woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
