Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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