$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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