the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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