Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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