You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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