first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
