Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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