can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
