I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
