did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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