I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
