I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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