just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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