oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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