you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
