Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
