Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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