Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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