Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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