His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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