People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
