I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
