I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
