I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its liver damage thursday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
