I didn't shave. On purpose
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
