We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize