Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
