There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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