i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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