I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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