We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine