am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated