i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae