Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
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imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture