Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
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I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize