wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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