Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize