It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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