ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
