You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize