Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
