I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
