i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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