I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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