A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
