We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize