Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
