Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
