in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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