I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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