And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
