she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
