I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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