Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
