We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
