Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
