Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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