So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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