Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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