It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
