apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
