hotel room ftw
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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