did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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