Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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