yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
