Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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