The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
