i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
