she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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