I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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