eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
