she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
