At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
