How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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